6 Simple Steps to UNPUSH Your Life

UnPush is my word of 2019 and it’s a biggie.

I define UnPush as setting an intention and letting go of the “how”, staying out of what other people “should” do, setting aside time to rest and play, as well as work.

To learn how UnPush evolved for me over the course of 2018, go here for UnPush Relationships and here for UnPush Health.

Here’s my UnPush model :

  1. Unplug from the noise. Everyone else’s opinion, blogs, advice, outrage, all the outside stuff. You can’t create authentically when you’re not looking inward.

  2. Name your fear. What are the thoughts keeping you from acting authentically? Write them down and examine them.

  3. Practice intention. Ask yourself “What is my intention in this situation?” or, said another way, “Who do I want to be in this moment?”

  4. Unattach from the outcome. We can’t know what’s going to happen in 5 minutes or 50 years. We drive ourselves crazy trying to predict and live from the future. Take a big breath and let go of everything but now.

  5. Shift your focus to what ONE thing you could do that feels like love and aligns with your intention.

  6. Heart center. Check in with your heart and stay true to LOVE. Keep asking: “What would love do in this moment?”

To learn how to apply the UnPush model to your life, click below for a free UnPush Your Life call.

UnPush in Health & Playful Dare Recap 2018

In 2018 I chose a phrase to guide my year and, silly me, I thought it was all about business.

PLAYFUL DARE was my phrase. To me, it meant I would challenge myself to take a risk every day in a playful way. Expand my business in an organic way. Say something I knew to be true. It felt like the strength of a rock, solid and purposeful, yet playful.

Playful daring felt great when I started!

But along the way, I started struggling. Instead of letting the dare happen organically, I was forcing myself to take a risk. I’d lost the play in PLAYFUL DARE. I was relying on willpower and gumption, believing I could rest/take a break/sleep another day, once “all this work” got done.

The problem was that it never got done. And the self care that I promised myself never happened. And my Essential Self , Martha Beck’s phrase for the authentic me that gets buried under the social self that’s out there doing what I think I '“should” be doing, my Essential Self started resenting all this work and no play.

Guess what happened?

My Essential Self whispered in my ear, “You’re not feeling great. You should slow down.”

“Hah!” replied my Social Self. “Watch me tap into my superhuman energy and push through this!” (She’s addicted to DOING.)

Then Essential Self tried to get my attention by tapping on my shoulder. My energy tanked. I noticed I had less momentum in my day. When I sat down, I fell asleep immediately. My brain was cloudy. My creativity went dormant.

I ignored it and pushed ahead.

Essential Self tried again. Turns out the adrenal glands don't like being stressed out with no reprieve. I took some time to understand my bloodwork, got on medication and soldiered on.

Next my Essential Self sent another message, a little louder. Perhaps at volume 5. I got sick with a virus that just wouldn’t quit. “Not gonna quit!” screamed my Social Self.

I coughed so hard that I dislocated a few ribs. I was trying to sleep sitting up to ease the pain and I was miserable. Volume 7.

Social Self pouted and persisted in the Doing… as much as I could. (Are you starting to see the ridiculousness in this???)

The next and thankfully last message came with more pain. Volume 10. I broke a bone in my foot. I literally could not walk and was ordered to stay off my feet.

Social Self finally got the message, loud and clear. There is a clear pattern of No Success in the DOING Right Now. My body needs to do NOTHING.

I threw myself into resting. I rested and slept and kicked back a lot. I gave myself permission to stop pushing. I stopped tormenting my brain with noisy chatter about how I “should” be DOING stuff. I relaxed into BEING.

I learned something profound.

I don’t have to earn my worthiness. I’m here and that makes me worthy. I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t have to DO anything. I’m worthy.

My word of the year PLAYFUL DARE ended up being about daring to do nothing as often as I could for the first half of the year. Daring to say “not now” and “my priority is healing myself and staying connected with my family.” Daring to believe that I am worthy because I am.

Did you get that?

YOU are worthy because you are.

Period.

A few months later, I was feeling better. PLAYFUL DARE took on a new meaning. A dare to be playful in my clothing choices, the events I said yes to and my relationship with my husband and kids. A dare to grow my business while being mindful of my energy.

The concept of UNPUSH, my 2019 word, expands on what I've learned from PLAYFUL DARE.

UNPUSH reminds me to slow down, reminds me I don't have to do all the heavy lifting alone. I'm partnering with synchronicity and magical opportunities that show up when I set intentions.

UNPUSH makes me a better wife because I’m focused on me, making myself the best version of me. I’m staying “in my own lane”, instead of nagging my partner to do his life differently. When I tell him what he “should” do, I repel him. When I tell myself how I want to grow, I magnetize him to me.

UNPUSH makes me a better mom because I have no agenda, other than help my kids learn to be kind and confident humans. I’m not attached to the specifics and the labels.

UNPUSH puts me into feminine flow, into the energy of following intuition and effortlessly taking the right next step. UNPUSH allows for organic motion and progress.

UNPUSH taps into the easy flow of water energy and water is vastly stronger than rock.

How about we learn to UNPUSH together?

Word of the Year + Go with the Flow = 2019 AMAZINGNESS

You’re invited!

I'm hosting a virtual workshop "Go with the Flow" that will help you start 2019 on purpose.

During our time together, you will identify your word to guide your year and take this process deeper by learning how to get into the energy of flow. You know the times you’re in flow—you see the next right step and the world feels abundant with opportunity.

I will teach you how to get into the energy of flow and unpush your way into success...which is completely the opposite of struggling and pushing to make progress.

Whether you're a pro at choosing your word or you've never heard of it but are curious, you'll be in the right place. :) 

Thursday Dec 13th 4-5:30pm Pacific time $49 ❤️

Why You Should Choose a Word of the Year

Do you choose a word to guide your year?

I've been selecting a word of the year for about a decade and what I've found is that my word gives me permission to explore new ideas. I love the process and how it's evolved over time. Each word I’ve chosen feels right for a set period of time and I remember them all fondly.

Years ago, I chose my word by myself, with my last year's calendar in front of me so I could remember my main projects, life events, celebrations and struggles. Over the years, I started inviting my friends to join me and that evolved into what is now Celebrate You®. We start with a day of unapologetic dreaming called the Celebrate You Extravaganza and continue to gathering in self-discovery and celebration as we evolve.

Some sample words you might want to explore:

  • Intuition

  • Abundance

  • Health

  • Connection

  • Self-compassion

  • Boundaries

  • Savor

  • Self-care

  • Truth

Do any of those words speak to you?

If not, ask a friend to exchange notes with you. How would they sum up your last 6 months? And you do the same for them.

Or the next time you've got family or friends around the dinner table, start a conversation. "I'm thinking about choosing a word of the year. Who's in?" You’ll be amazed at what happens next! Kids get involved, the conversation deepens and you all feel connected. After you each have a word, it’s easy to check in with the group, maybe weekly or monthly, to see how their word is influencing them.

Have you chosen a Word of the Year for 2019 yet?

It’s not too late.

In fact, today is the perfect day to choose a word to guide you.

Here’s how my word picks bubble up—I reflect on all that’s happened and the major lessons that I’m learning (or not!) I might look at my calendar to see where I’ve been lately and what I’ve achieved and what I’ve struggled with. I think about how I’ve felt physically and emotionally. Word possibilities start to swirl around my mind and eventually one or two stand out. It might take a minute or a month to filter through the options.

The Gulp Factor

I know I’ve got my word when I see it in my mind and I get excited and a little nervous. My friend calls this “The Gulp Factor”—seeing the significance and meaning behind the word and being a bit awe-struck by the depth.

Poet and artist Mary Anne em Radmacher and I had a blast sharing our 2018 words and how they have impacted our year in this video. Not surprisingly, we both had more than one word to guide us. We also choose words regularly to impact our week, day and hour.

Mary Anne em Radmacher & me chatting about our words of the year

Mary Anne em Radmacher & me chatting about our words of the year

In this Video:

  • Our 2018 words and how they’re influencing our decisions this year (spoiler alert—we both have more than one word!)

  • How our words sometimes have a different purpose than what we imagined. How funny is that, Universe!

  • Some techniques to choose a word of the year

  • Our 2019 words!

How to choose your word Video

Why a WORD is better than a New Year’s Resolution

You know that exhilarating feeling of setting a Resolution in January… followed by that “oh well, guess that’s not going to happen” disappointment in March? Let’s avoid that. Setting a huge goal then realizing you aren’t going to do it isn’t kind to yourself. The classic example is “I’m going to the gym every day and I’m going to lose 20 pounds this year.”

That’s a BIG goal.

And there’s brain science behind why big goals fail most of the time.

Our brains just can’t handle that kind of massive change. We’ll have more success if we take tiny steps toward choosing new habits that support the big goal, like step one might be putting our tennis shoes by the front door for the first 3 days and step two might be putting on work out clothes the next 3 days.

See that? We haven’t even gone to the gym yet and we’re on day 7. But that’s how your brain works.

Instead, when you choose a word, it’s easy to incorporate that word into your day. Maybe your word is Health. “Health” will help you make micro-decisions throughout your day. Maybe you’ll take a smaller portion of breakfast. Maybe you’ll journal for 5 minutes. Maybe you’ll count your steps and challenge yourself to take 50 more steps each month. All of those actions support your word “Health”.

Get someone else involved for success

The other piece of successfully choosing a word is to have someone to talk to about your word. To have accountability on what you say you’ll do. To offer compassion when you forget. To encourage you when you need help. Family, friend, co-worker… find someone you can share this journey with.

You’re invited to join my tribe

You're invited to join the Celebrate You tribe for a day of unapologetic dreaming. A day of opening up to the Universe and partnering with magic. A day that holds laughter and self-discovery in an intimate setting. The Celebrate You® Extravaganza is a life-changing event that will provide clarity and focus, based on your values. Join HERE.

Let me know your word in the comments.

The Art of UnPushing: A Love Story

We’d been married 14 years when I made The Big Mistake.

Really, like most conflict, it started a long time before that.

To back up, this is a love story.

Not the kind you see from Hollywood, all glossed over and easy, but the kind that’s real. It’s a messy, imperfect and beautiful story filled with commitment, character and micro-moments where we re-chose each other.

Fourteen years ago, we opened a business together and were the only employees. We were scrappy and young, newly married, starting from zero. Life was good. We had different, complementary skill sets. I was a strategy-focused CPA; he was a charming salesman with a gift for connecting with people.

Then babies came. Babies with lots of appointments related to deafness. I ran the back end of the store from home mostly, in between spit up and diapers and managing our home. The business was thriving and it started feeling like an Established Business. Actually, it was two full-time businesses by then. I was still managing paperwork, plus homeschooling, with a child still in early intervention and speech therapy and a third in diapers. Over time it becomes less “our store” and more “his store”.

After a years of our intense work schedules, I was tired of the grind. I was tired of being the one that got stuck with the thankless tasks at work. Audits--oh, that's me. Paperwork--also me. Cleaning up our accounting system after a major virus followed by a system glitch--me. I got handed shit and was asked to magically transform it into cotton candy.

And at home, I was the one in the trenches, the enforcer. I was annoyed that I never got to be the “yes” parent, to hell with the consequences! I was a homeschooling Mom with the kids full-time. Because of the store, even a weekly trip without kids to the grocery store had to be negotiated into a 7am time slot on Sundays.

I realized I wanted to quit my job. Any sane person would. It was an impossible, thankless job, a behind-the-scenes clean up job. He knew I was miserable and he knew it was time to make a change. He loved his job and he loved the connections we had made with thousands of fans over the years. Once he left the house, he was unencumbered and able to be the expert. He was adored and even a celebrity in his niche. I missed that feeling of being the expert somewhere, like I had been in my career, and I missed that adult time of focus and reward.

We began strategizing toward selling the store and putting all of our efforts into our other business. We opened ourselves up to dreaming to possibilities of what could be next and it was good! We fell in love with an equestrian property with a spectacular view of the Salish Sea. Although we didn’t end up buying it, that process caused the dream to expand. It opened my eyes to the possibility that we could re-design all aspects of our lives. I could have salt water + horses + a small community + a husband who works at home and + lots of family time. What a dream!

As the store closure got closer, we had lots of “oh shit” moments.

What the hell were we doing, tearing apart a successful business loved by the community? How were we going to make enough money to support our family without it? Was this the stupidest thing we’d ever done?

Fear is a funny thing.

It pops up when you start to dismantle the “known” and dream up a new life. It wants you to stay safe, in a life that’s predictable and small. Fear causes you to push away the people you love, isolate yourself, blame others, dismiss the feelings of others, clam up and stop sharing your thoughts and feelings.

And that’s what happened. Fear started to take over.

I remember driving over the Thanksgiving weekend for 24 hours with little conversation between us. Talking was a chore, filled with silence and awkward gaps. We were in two different worlds with our thoughts.

We were both grieving the end of an era, but in different ways.

I was in “future mode”, excited to start planning our next stage together. I had been unhappy with the situation for a long time and was mostly relieved that it was ending.

He was in “today mode”, focused on the millions of tasks that needed to be done well today, asking not to be bothered by the future. All he could handle was the one day in front of him, doing his best at the store with customers, quietly sad with the reality. He was feeling the impact daily, as customers reminded him of all the good times at the store, he commuted to the physical location that customers loved, he reminisced about all the relationships, relived all the laughs.

Sales went through the roof as we dismantled what we sacrificed so much to grow.

It's like watching a healthy person get murdered--this idea of retiring from a business that is financially successful and well-loved, yet no longer conducive to family goals.

The decision was unconventional. Strange. Stupid even. People didn't get it, until they heard stories of the long hours and sacrifice, the current stress and compared it with our dream of connecting as a family and balancing all that we wanted to accomplish.

About two months from D-Day, he told me “I'd never be selling the store if it were just me. I made this business. I would happily stay in Seattle and continue for a long time. I love that place.”

I didn't know what to say.

Fear took the driver’s seat at that moment and my mind went right to the worst thing that could happen. The store closing was going to cause us to hate each other and that would lead to our breakup. I heard anger in his tone and wondered if he’d hate me forever.

That’s when I made The Big Mistake.

I told him (insisted, even) that we had to go to marriage counseling.

It did not go well.

And I learned I had a choice: I could continue to push him toward “doing something”, while making myself and him miserable, or I could work on me.

I turned inward.

I turned author Byron Katie's "The Work" on my anger and sadness toward him. Instead of continuing with thoughts like “He should want what I want”, I used her turn arounds to meditate on other thoughts that could be equally true, like “I should want what he wants” and “I should want what I want.”

Katie is a master at questioning her thoughts. (Visit www.thework.com to see what I mean).  She likes to ask, "Why are you pretending you don't love me?" when she finds herself in a situation where another person is unkind.

What if that were my perspective? To assume everyone loves me, they just may not know it yet. Or even if they know they love me, they may not know how to show me in that moment.

What a difference that shift in perspective made.

A funny thing happened along the way.

unpush fingers.jpg

I defined a new essential way of being for myself and named it the UnPush.

I learned that the opposite of pushing isn’t pulling. Pulling is still a forcing energy. The opposite of pushing is UnPushing, the very act of detaching from what my ego wants. UnPushing allows the other person to feel an energetic letting go, a freedom. My detached energy magnetically opens up the possibilities in a situation and the other person can feel the shift.

As I started UnPushing, I became more empathetic, less the victim. I realized he was acting like a scared wild horse. Fight or flight were the only options. He didn’t see any happy outcomes. He was grieving and there were stages of grief he had to go through and that was his work, not mine.

I learned we could be in different places emotionally and it doesn't have to mean doom.

Instead of "We're not talking", I reframed the same situation to be "We're working on new ways to communicate and we’re figuring out what that looks like."

Wow. I could breathe again. So much less fear and pain in that.

As my perspective shifted, I kept hearing the message, loud and clear: "Show up with love".

I'd heard that phrase for years from inspirational author Marci Moore, who has made “show up with love” her life’s work, and I understood it in my head. But my heart had never had to live it, never had  to practice it, until now.

show up with love1.jpg

Show up with love.

That's all I can do.

Work on me.

Insisting we go to marriage counseling? Pointless.

Try to control him? Wish he'd say or do something different? Good luck!

Here was a real example of what I'd been studying in life coach school: I made myself miserable by attaching to beliefs that caused me pain. But believing those thoughts was totally optional! The only way to feel less pain was to form new thoughts that could feel just as “true” that felt lighter and more joyful. Bottom line: If a thought is causing ME pain, it’s my job to work on ME.

“Showing up with love” came to mean changing the look in my eye from steely, analytical, worried eyes to hopeful, loving eyes.

Keeping myself and my ego out of his business. Giving him space to be who he is in that moment. Listening without attaching to his thoughts or solving his problems. Recognizing he's scared and tired and the financial burden has been his for a long time.

And in case you’re wondering, showing up with love doesn't mean becoming a spineless doormat.

It's the opposite. It’s self-empowerment, empathy and pure love. When I get clear on what’s mine to control and detach from the rest, I’m empowered to speak my truth. How others receive my truth isn’t my business.

Showing up with love means taking responsibility for my thoughts and feelings, hearing the messages inside the feelings and getting clear about what's missing. Doing the work on me, getting my thoughts clear and clean, then approaching the other person with love, not anger.

My heart melted as I imagined him as a frightened child.

What would I do for any scared child? Open my arms and offer love. Then I imagined myself as a frightened child and I realized she also needed open arms, compassion and love.

One morning I apologized to him.

An apology for being in his business, thinking I knew what was best for him, assuming he wanted to work on things, assuming he wanted my help. I told him I was going to work on me, get support for me, make myself the best version of me. Not in an accusatory, guilt-laden way full of expectation that he would change himself. Just the facts.

You see, I was wrong to tell him we needed counseling. I needed counseling. He may or may not--that's his journey. I told him from now on I would like to be an advisor for his business, this business we'd grown together, and he'd get my opinion only when he asked. No unsolicited advice. It wasn’t my business. Literally.

I let go.

It's easy to read this and infuse a tone of sassy. That's not what I intended. The words were said with love and tears and sincerity.

Every morning after that apology, I started the day by asking him, "How can I show you I love you today?" The first day I asked, he looked shocked.

We've always had a little ritual: When I fill his coffee cup, I say with a smile "That’s because I love you" or when he gets me a fresh towel, he’ll say the same thing. But to ask? That was new. That felt like love expanded.

show you I love you (1).jpg

That one question “How can I show you I love you today?” has brought such playfulness and fun back into our lives.

Eventually he started to ask me the same question.

What's changed since then? Physical intimacy has increased, so has laughter, contentment, hand holding, texting and phone calls, conversations, invitations to business meetings, coming home earlier, asking my opinion, dreaming and scheming about our future together....

All behaviors I desperately wanted.

It’s ironic. I struggled and pushed my way into his life, while he pushed back because I was intruding. That energy of the angry “you shoulds” and “I know what’s best for you” repelled him.

Who knew I could UnPush and magnetize him to me? Effortlessly open him up by opening myself up, all by shifting my perspective and playing with how else I could see the same situation?

My new way of being starts with humility, staying in “my business” and recognizing when I'm about to switch lanes into his, giving him space to do his own work (or not).  

Changing my perspective changed my energy. Pushing toward him left me with arms out and a graspy fearful energy.

Opening and unpushing left space for possibility and magic.

“Not my circus, not my monkeys” is a mantra that has served me well since then.

First, it makes me laugh. Second, it reminds me I’m not the boss of everything. It grounds me and reminds me that I can  control me and that’s all. I’m clearly not the ringmaster in someone else’s circus, so why try? As boss of me, I can watch the show and decide if I want to stick around. That’s about it.

It feels so clean to work on me.  I have the solid knowledge that I'm ok, regardless of anybody else, regardless of drama happening “out there”. I'm ok.

unpush stainedglass.jpg

This is a life changer.

Are you ready to see how this could work in your life?

Go here for the UnPush framework.





Celebrate You™ Workbook lets you Kick your never-completed Resolutions to the Curb

The easiest way to ditch the New Year's resolutions that fade by March and design REAL life-long changes that support you!

 

 

By designing a 30,000 foot, high-level plan for the year based on your values and intentions (Celebrate You™ Workbook), then breaking the plan into quarterly and monthly achievable goals (Celebrate You™ Planner), it’s easy to align your big intentions with your every day actions. You’ll see amazing results!

The Mission of the Celebrate You™ Workbook: Creating a Life Filled with Intention

To guide and support you in creating a life filled with intention and purpose so that you go to bed knowing you checked off the boxes that really mattered.

 

You’ll see the benefits of living with intention starting on day one.

· Become aware of your purpose each day

· Enjoy a deeper understanding of yourself

· Create boundaries around your day

· Design your day so it’s easy to accomplish your goals

· Add healthy habits into your day effortlessly

· Make your dreams a reality with inspired actions

Click the image to see sample pages.

Stop making those guilt-inducing, hard to accomplish New Year's resolutions that fade and welcome the Living on Purpose Philosophy of the Celebrate You™ Workbook.

 

Message from Lisa Honold, Founder of Celebrate You™

I’m Lisa Honold, Certified Martha Beck Life Coach and my mission is to inspire and support you as you create an extraordinary life, moment by intentional moment.  I’m founder of Celebrate You™, a global movement that celebrates intentional living. I dedicate this workbook to you, a human being who dares to celebrate your greatness.

Celebrate You™ Quarterly Planner: Daily Check in with your intentions

Create each day with intention, align with your values and go to bed satisfied that you checked off the boxes that really mattered in your life.

 

 

By designing a 30,000 foot, high-level plan for the year based on your values and intentions (Celebrate You™ Workbook), then breaking the plan into quarterly and monthly achievable goals (Celebrate You™ Planner), it’s easy to add inspired actions into each day. You’ll see amazing results when you spend 15 minutes each morning aligning with your intentions.

 

You’ll see the benefits of living with intention starting on day one.

· Become aware of your purpose each day

· Enjoy a deeper understanding of yourself

· Create boundaries around your day

· Design your day so it’s easy to accomplish your goals

· Add healthy habits into your day effortlessly

· Make your dreams a reality with inspired actions

 

Message from Lisa Honold, Founder of Celebrate You™

I’m Lisa Honold, Certified Martha Beck Life Coach and my mission is to inspire and support you as you create an extraordinary life, moment by intentional moment.  I’m founder of Celebrate You™, a global movement that celebrates intentional living. I created this planner to help me stay on track with my goals and intentions. I simplified my life by combining my daily journal, projects notebook, dinner planner, to-do lists and quarterly goals with my traditional daily planner to create ONE place for everything. I no longer need to search for the “right” book because there’s only one place to put everything. Give it a try—it’s a life changer!